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What a pile of crap. From the moment I started playing this game, I knew it was terrible. I also knew that I wouldn't be able to stop until I'd beaten it. I've played dozens, if not hundreds, of crappy games in my time, but none of them have taunted me as much as INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM. None have compelled me as strongly to see it through. I think I felt a need to take a stand against lazy, slapped-together abominations like this one by saying, "No, Indiana Jones. You... (show more)

What a pile of crap. From the moment I started playing this game, I knew it was terrible. I also knew that I wouldn't be able to stop until I'd beaten it. I've played dozens, if not hundreds, of crappy games in my time, but none of them have taunted me as much as INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM. None have compelled me as strongly to see it through. I think I felt a need to take a stand against lazy, slapped-together abominations like this one by saying, "No, Indiana Jones. You will not be taking my hard-earned money without a fight."
The biggest and most consistent problem with this game is the ridiculously misguided top-down perspective. Imagine playing ZELDA with MARIO controls, and imagine those controls are unresponsive and you can't tell what you can jump on or over without dying, and you're in the ballpark. The controls butcher an already extremely awkward layout: to select a weapon, you hold select and either left or right on the control pad, which freezes you up and leaves you open to any number of attacks. Take a light tap, and you'll start spinning like an idiot for several seconds, often times falling straight into lava. Several spots are impossible to get past without sacrificing a life, which is just plain sloppy design. The goal is unclear. I thought I was supposed to rescue every slave child in the mine before being allowed to move on to the next level, but I discovered about halfway through that you only need to save the kid with the blue key, and thankfully he's in the same place every time, so you can leave the rest to a life of servitude if you want.
This is all hugely frustrating, but things don't really start getting ugly until level 9. Now, you're asked to cross a large lava pit to aquire the Sankarra Stones from the movie. In order to do this, you have to shoot a bunch of lava dragons (which I must have missed in the movie) and walk across their corpses. You have to wait for their heads to surface, like whack-a-moles, before you can pop them. The problem is the dragons don't follow any kind of pattern, and sometimes don't pop out at all. Seriously, I waited for almost ten minutes for some to pop out, with no luck. Of course, sometimes they'll randomly appear in nice, neat lines, and allow for quick and easy access to the stones. After this, you have to beat Level 10, which is absolutely riddled with those aforementioned spots that require martyrdom, and if you die, you don't get to continue at the beginning of that level like the rest of the game. Nope, you have to start back at level 9, and wait for those interminable effing dragons to feel like popping up.
Well folks, I'm sorry to say that was my breaking point, and until I get a Game Genie, I'm going to have to claim defeat. I take solace in the fact that I have, undoubtedly, come closer to beating this game than anyone else in history, because no one else in the world is as patient, stubborn and oftentimes idiotic as I am. Until next time, TEMPLE OF DOOM. Until next time... (show less)